POEM WRITTEN AT 27, I AM NOW 62 [MY STORY OF ADOPTION]

 

This poem is dedicated to those Men and Woman, who have given their lives, love and hearts to their adopted children, who in time have grown to understand that love.

 

 For This poem/story that started it all, came to me one evening, and I wrote it down exactly as the good lord saw fit to let it flow through me.

After reading the extensive writing that lay before me, I really believe that God was the vehicle, that night. That allowed my heart to begin to heal, through these words.

 

I see it as a badge of honor to write all subsequent poems/stories/verses pretty much just how I initially put pen to paper. So if you see imperfections in my prose, know that I am aware. I am sometimes truly amazed how and when. The notion to write comes over me.

I hope this does not offend.

 

 

 

THE BOY WITHIN…my adopted journey.

 

There is an all too familiar stirring inside the man,

The stirring is that of the boy,

The man’s memories are clouded,

The boys are vivid,

The man discards the memories,

The boy, since he cannot understand,

Continues to put forth questions to the man,

The man in time grows strong, surrounded, yet he stands alone,

The boy always there, tugging at his heart his mind,

The man seems always to be in control, people seem drawn to him,

The boy questions again, the man offers no answers,

But is forced to relive once again, a time of long ago,

The memories are few, but intense,

The man searches for answers,

The boy retreats to the shadows,

The boy inside waits and hopes,

The man and boy are never as one,

Yet each seeks the same answers to the questions,

They are friends, yet adversaries,

The man grows weary the boy inside keeps him strong,

Again the man besieged by questions presses on,

Time is not a healer,

It has become a force of which to be reckoned,

The man thinks hard, the boy inside waits,

Each remembers the hurt the pain,

Remembering back over a course of time,

There have been many places; there have been many people,

Some show love, most instill anger,

The boy is in the distance, yet the distance is the center,

Always a new man, a new woman,

He looks for comfort, but confused,

Begins to bond to this man this woman,

Then without a warning he is discarded,

That world is gone, yet once again a new world is offered,

Each new world confuses the boy,

And each new world is harder on the boy, than the one before,

He does not know love, only disappointment and sorrow,

The boy is still small but the walls have grown,

Then the boy, the tiny boy, having no answers makes a decision,

The hurt, the pain will stop, and in their presence,

There is no longer a boy, the boy is a man, yet all around still see a boy,

No one should be forced to make that decision,

Much less a boy!

The boy is now an actor,

Still void of trust, emotion, feeling,

But the boy is strong,

Then the little boy having lived a lifetime, in but a few short years,

Is again used as a tool for bargaining,

Once again a new world is offered,

Another man another woman,

In this place there is nothing familiar, he is once again confused,

For there is no hurt, there is no pain,

He no longer feels frightened, and alone,

The personalities of the boy, the man, the actor,

All look to these new emotions, once again confused,

The man, the boy, the actor, pretend to be strong,

Yet cannot deny the insecurity, of the boy inside,

There is no trust, no emotion,

Yet he summons his courage, and speaks to this man, and this woman,

But not as a man, as a boy…it feels good,

The boy inside desperately seeks approval,

The man inside expects nothing,

He seeks to be loved, but expects only pain,

As each word is spoken, he turns and cowers,

Waiting, expecting, the hurt and the pain,

And the words that cut deep inside the little boy,

The moments pass, the boy turns,

He need not even ask, the love is shown without even a word,

This time the boy does not question, he only waits,

The man, the woman never confuse the boy,

Throughout the years, the boy inside the man’s body,

Truly grow into a man,

Old memories become blurred, replaced by new,

It takes decades to pacify, the pain of those first few years,

The boy inside the man’s body, still cannot love,

The thought of touch makes him tremble, he rebuffs any gesture,

The man in this new world, is quiet, yet strong and respected,

The woman in this new world, strong of will, needs the touch of the boy,

Then one day, the boy, the man, the actor, is transformed into a person,

The walls seem gone,

He understands about trust, about love, about values,

He does not wince at the thought of closeness, of caring,

After almost four decades,

The boy, the man, the woman, become a unit,

The boy now a man lives by a system of values,

Taught to him by this man, and this woman,

Without those caring, and patience, over thirty years ago,

Who took this confused, frightened little boy,

And transformed him to a man,

If the boy never knows the closeness of another person,

He lives in the comfort, of knowing, that he truly understands,

The meaning of love, and that is what keeps him going,

The man, the woman, to which they have been addressed,

Truly have earned the highest title,

That may be bestowed upon two people,

So this little boy, that now stands proudly as a man,

Is honored to give them, the title that all have, but not all deserve,

“THE TITLE OF PARENTS”

Yet throughout the years, in good times and not,

The man stills hears upon occasion,

A voice crying out, it is the boy inside the man,

Who still has questions, still void of answers,

Yet the man stays strong, as he thinks of his parents,

And seems finally able to quench, the tears of that little boy,

Who at such a young age, was forced to become a man,

Although, these words may not make sense to many,

For years they have been inside, the man, the boy, the actor,

And have flowed from my heart, with such ease and little thought,

That I cannot help but believe them, to be the answers, to the questions,

Of that little boy,

And I know that there are many, many little boys, and girls out there,

That are trapped inside, that these words may help,

And maybe, it will also help, many of those men, and woman,

Who wish to understand, those that they have given their love,

But these words, that come from this man, are “dedicated’, to my "adoptive" parents

​

"MARION AND LARRY STONE"

 

Sincerely… Your Son The Boy Within.